Denver Man torn between the two North Danvur Fast Food Juggernauts

DENVER—According to local reports issued Saturday by 30-year-old Denver City resident Bernadette Manzanarez, her man's all-fuckin' tired of trying to decide the best spot to buy his breakfast burritos. Fuck, the report stated, "He should just pick one place already, and stick with it!" said Bernadette Reports went on saying the previous Friday morning, Bernadette's commmon law husband, Tony Candelaria sat in his car at the Original Chubby's parking lot for roughly twenty minutes smoking what looked to be a Marijuana cigarette,"Tssss, I was all-stressed-out and had a hard time deciding where to get my next burrito. So to relax I sparked a lil pinner my uncle left in my ashtray the night before."

On Thursday night Tony and his uncle, Ron Ortega, enjoyed a night of drinking downtown at the local taverns while, watching a Colorado Rockies game. The next morning evidence of leftover Bubba Chino's adorned the floor of Tony's 2001 Honda Civic. "Since we were downtown we stopped at Bubba Chino's to get me a smothered because Chubby's was outta the way bud!" said Tony's Uncle Ron, adding, "My poor hito (Tony) was too buzzed to drive me to get my Chubby's fix so we just bought a Bubba Chino's! When you're buzzed it all taste the same, ya know?!"

Visibly upset, Tony Candelaria's live-in girlfriend of ten years, Bernadette Manzanarez gave Danvur.com her side of the story. "Obviously they (Tony & Ron) were under the influence of alcohol and not in the right state of mind!" said Bernadette, who happens to prefer the Original Chubby's restaurant, adding, "The take-out containers on the floor of Tony's car were Styrofoam, and not the two stapled Chinet plates Chubby's is known to carry. So I knew right there that Tony was lying about bringing me home a Chubby's after the bar. I should have known better when he served me my smothered fries on one of our plates from home...it even tasted all-different! Chhh, I was all-bummed-out!"

"I didn't think she (Bernadette) could tell the difference bud?!" said an emotional Tony, adding, "It was late! Tsss, at least I picked something up?!" Candelaria continued, "She should have at least thanked me because that fry was expensive! Chhh, Next time that b#$%h will be lucky if I bring that ass a Taco Bell! Wazeout, don't write that please..."

Stating how important it is to them, Danvurians admitted it would be somewhat difficult to completely tear themselves away from the teat(s) that are Chubby's and Bubba Chino's. Ron Ortega Continued, "Chhh, next time me and my hito are buzzed, I'll just tell him to take the side roads and avoid the cops. this way we can get our Chubby's, eat it in the parking lot, sober up, spark a jay and drive home safe."

Danvurians make it short and sweet!

The Danvurian is a person of few words. Should you choose to have a conversation with a Danvurian, you will understand what I am talking about. As I stated before, Danvurians are masters of using home-spun jargon. Using slang, the Danvurian will take somewhat complex subjects and boil them down to a few words. For instance a Danvurian watching a 2 hour segment on a current event; not only do they become the expert, but they can explain what they just watched with very few words. Below are some examples of short and to the point responses from fellow Danvurians.

EXAMPLE #1 - Being asked if they enjoyed their meal.

Average Person: "The food here is amazing! the whipped garlic red potatoes with the white butter reduction sauce was scrumptious to say the least! not to mention the ambiance and use of lighting in this establishment."

Danvurian: "They have bomb grub!"

Average Person: "can you elaborate on that please?"

Danvurian: Ok, they have Bomb-Bomb grub!"

EXAMPLE #2 - Responding to bad weather conditions posted by the local news.

Average Person: "Wow, with these sub-zero temps and horrid road conditions, CDOT will most likely need extra trucks to spray magnesium chloride for the morning commuters?"

Danvurian: "it's ALL-cold and slippery huh!"

EXAMPLE #3 - Being asked to do something out of your comfort zone.

Average Person: "I would never entertain the idea of commiting such an act?! I am appalled that you even had the audacity to ask me to do such a thing?"

Danvurian: "tss, fuck-Dat!"

EXAMPLE #4 - Asking what type of beer they want from the bar.

Average Person: "Yes, may I please see your craft beer menu? What IPA's, Aecht Schlenkerla Rauchbier, Pilsner beers do you carry?"

Danvurian: "Budlight! oh and a set-up!"

EXAMPLE #4 - Asking to meet up with you for dinner.

Average Person: "What are you in the mood for; Thai, India, sushi? I know a great sushi place tucked away in the Potter Highlands. It's a speak easy place my friend just opened. There's also a great bistro up the street. their PEI mussels are to die for!"

Danvurian: "Where yous wanna eat at?!"

EXAMPLE #5 - Telling them they are a cruel person.

Average Person: "Goodness, I had no idea you thought of me in that way. I apologize if I took your situation so lightly. I value your friendship and hate to lose such a great friend and confidant. However I feel you should also take responsibility for your own actions."

Danvurian: "What-Evz!"

EXAMPLE #5 - They respond to a negative comment.

Average Person: "Excuse me, but that comment was very rude and inappropriate! How can you say such a thing to me when all I do is value your opinion and think the world of you?!"

Danvurian: "UGH, I'll mamber you!"

the new Danvur Facebook App

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