Husband Irate After Wife Refuses to "Make him a plate"

COMMERCE CITY, CO—After watching an exciting Monday Night Football game at a Denver Bronco themed family party, local husband Jerry Padilla, 45, asked his wife Rosie Padilla, 43 to serve him a plate as he sat watching the game. It wasn't until Mrs. Padilla refused to serve her husband that Mr. Padilla became livid.

"Tsss, All I did was ask my wife to make me a plate and I get all kindz of attitude from her?!" said Jerry, adding, "It's not like this is the first time I ever asked her to get off her a$$ to make me a plate!" Sources at the party say Mr. Padilla appeared to be a little intoxicated from consuming a six pack of Bud Light and "doin' shots with his hitos". "Chhh, I had a few beers and did some shots with my hitos and got ALL-hungry. So I asked my lady to hook me up with some grub and she was all, make it your damn self!" shouted Jerry, adding that while he could have very well got up from the sofa to serve himself, he likes the way his wife "makes his plate". "Chhh, he gets all menso when he's had too much to drink." said a visibly upset Rosie, adding, "I was in the kitchen talking to my sister, Teresa, and all-of-a-sudden we heard Jerry yell, Hey Rosie, make me a plate! I'm ALL, get off your lazy a$$ and make it yourself! He's right next to the food and I'm all the way in the kitchen?! I swear that man's too damn lazy to get off the couch because he might miss his precious game!"

An hour later order was restored once again when Jerry's niece Selena decided to make her uncle a plate. Selena believed It was in everybody's best interest that her uncle ate. "Uncle Jerry's all drunk and he needs to eat something!" said Selena, adding "I hate when my uncle and auntie fight over stupid stuff. I know my auntie gets frustrated with uncle Jerry when he's drunk but what good is it to argue with a drunk man?" When asked what she thought about her niece serving Jerry, Rosie had a few choice words for us. "That girl is still young and doesn't know the shit I put up with on game day. EEE, but watch, she'll learn!"

Just then Selena's boyfriend Isaiah Ortiz, 21, walks into the party. "Hey come in hito, glad you can make it. Hey Selena get Zaiah a beer will ya!" said Jerry. "Gimme a Bud Light Lime!" shouted Isaiah.

Friends Saddened: Notoriously Tough Denver Man Becomes Excessively Sentimental

THORNTON, CO--As any Dominate, alpha male type can attest, There comes a time in life when you shed your tough guy persona. A time when your body no longer produces testosterone and the life of being a family man softness you up like DQ soft serve. For 55-year-old Thornton (Thorin) tough guy, Tony Martinez, that day came when his 19 year old daughter, Destiny Martinez gave birth to a baby girl.

Friends and family of the once local ruffian, Tony Martinez are saddened by their friends sudden softer, sappy side.
"Pssh, It's just terrible and painful to watch ya know. I once saw Tony beat the crap out of two guys outside the Tap Inn and now that same guy is changing his granddaughter's diapers?!" said Martinez' longtime buddy, 54-year-old Manuel Lopez, adding "Tsss, I member when we use-ta run around in the Northside, partying at the Keg and the Blue Corn. Chhh, Tony didn't take shit from no one bud, but that was back-in-the-day!" Lopez is not alone in grieving for their now over-sentimental friend, Martinez' 36-year-old nephew Jerry Alvarez is quite taken back by his uncles turning over a new leaf. "Chhh, I use-ta look up to my uncle Tony, He gave me my first bud Light and bought me my first lap dance at Cheerleaders! He always had my back when foo's would talk their shit!" said a visibly upset Alvarez, adding "Ever since Destiny's man got her all-pregnant, my uncle hasn't been going to Dandy Dan's Thirsty Thursdays with us after work! I called him last Thursday and he was building a doll house for Destiny's baby! Chhh, and to boot we were all postoo (supposed to) go to Sturgis this year but my aunty Irma is telling me that uncle is thinking about selling his Harley? What the f#@k?!" According to Alvarez, Martinez is half the man he used to be simply because Martinez refuses to frequent the local bars, and prefers family Sunday Funday over riding the hog with his middle-aged Chicano buddies.

Though the days of puffing out his chest at the local bars and stumbling drunk into Chubby's at 3am are behind him, some near and dear to Mr. Martinez praise his new attitude toward life. "Ya know, I am proud of Anthony! My hito had a hard upbringing and wasn't given the chances others had to succeed in life. He wasn't born with a silver spoon in his mouth, but he managed to be a successful company man, husband, dad and grandfather." said Martinez' 72-year-old Uncle, Ernie Martinez, adding "I only wish Anthony would make that dead beat boyfriend of my hita's get a job! Chhh, what a lazy piece of shit that guy is!" Ernie is referring to Destiny's live in boyfriend and father of their child, Leonard Gallegos. Leonard moved in with Tony and his family after Destiny had her baby. "Tsss, Destiny needs to quit sticking up for that p#$$y! She gets all-mad at uncle when he tries to tell Leonard's lazy ass to get a job. Tsss, kick both their asses out the house!" Martinez' frustrated nephew Alvarez chimed in as the Danvur Daylee was interviewing Ernie. "Cálmate me hito, I know you're frustrated but your uncle can't kick out Destiny and Leonard, who's gonna watch the baby?" said Ernie. "Tsss, aunty Irma is the one who watches the baby while Destiny and Leonard go out and party every night!" shouted Alvarez, adding "Shit, ten years ago my uncle Tony would've beat down Leonard, instead he lets that puto sleep in and eat all the groceries!"

Before ending our interview, the Danvur Daylee caught up with Tony Martinez' Daughter, Destiny Martinez. "I love my daddy, he's much more calm these days. After I had the baby my dad stepped up and supported me and Leonard." said Destiny, adding "I know people talk shit because Leonard's not working, but they need to get a life!" Danvur Daylee made an attempt to get an interview with Leonard, but Destiny hasn't seen Leonard in two days. Danvur Daylee asked Destiny about Leonard's whereabouts. "Oh, he's at his ex girlfriends house." said Destiny, adding "Oh, but he doesn't love her anymore, he's just visiting his other baby and telling his ex to leave us alone."

Police: Man Harassed at Local Restaurant for referring to the Northside as the Highlands

DENVER, CO--Police say the incident happened on Friday afternoon at LeChuga's Italian restaurant, located on the 35th block of Tejon.

After overhearing a couples conversation, three men approached a man and woman's table threatening to harm the man if he refers to the North Denver area as the Highlands again.

38-year-old Manny Esquibel of Denver, as well as 42-year-old Frank Mazzotti and 36-year-old Danny Martinez of Commerce City, were charged with aggravated assault resulting in a bloody nose.

Authorities say Kyle Gross and Sarah McGuire of Potter Highlands were having lunch when three men walked up to their table uninvited."Well, Sarah and I were enjoying our meal when out of nowhere three guys approached our table and started cursing and swearing?!" said Kyle, who stated that Esquibel, Mazzotti and Martinez were being rude and threatening him.
"These guys were yelling, this is Norside or something to that effect...I don't even know what Norside means? It wasn't until Sarah explained to me that the guys were actually saying NORTHSIDE, that I feared for my safety!"

Danvur Daylee caught up with first responder, Officer Pat Gutierrez. "Mr. Gross moved into the Highland area during the neighborhood gentrification boom. Having watched the neighborhood flourish and grow steadily with increasing revenue, Mr. Gross is well aware of the animosity people of the old neighborhood have for new home owners like himself." said Officer Gutierrez, adding, "The vast majority of people from the old North Denver neighborhood are frustrated by the revitalization of their old neighborhood. I don't understand this frustration because half the people who are upset have moved out to Thornton and other surrounding areas."

Since the late 90's, North Denver has seen a resurgence in development with neighborhoods flourishing during the economic downturn. "I mean really, these guys are going to get upset because their once decaying hood now has $1 million dollar homes being built?! I just don't get it?" Kyle Gross told the Danvur Daylee, adding, "Heck, my business partner and I have scraped little Victorian shacks into beautiful modern flats!" "See, that's the problem you stooopid, yous guys are taking away the history of the neighborhood! you're lucky I am handcuffed or else I'd go over there and beat your @$$, puto!" Esquibel said. "better watch your back!"

The Irony of this whole debacle is that it took place in one of North Denver's last standing original restaurants, LeChuga's. "Man, I would've just ignored his ass, but saying the Highlands in one of the Northsides last standing treasures got me ALL-pissed!" said Martinez, adding, "Tsss, they tore down Subways, Pagliacci's, Carbone's and now they are selling LeChuga's?! Things are not the same anymore, F@ck the Highlands awwwReady!"