The Danvur Daylee - Denver Woman Takes Credit for Restaurant Bought Tamales

THORNTON, CO--The moment she walked into her family's annual Christmas gathering, Law office receptionist Irma Hernandez took credit for making tamales she had bought from a local restaurant.

"She walked in tellin' everyone that she made them tamales?! PSSh, I knew she didn't make them and I was trying to tell my auntie Rose that Irma's lying her ass off!" said a disgusted Alyssa Garcia, Irma's second cousin, adding, "Ugh, she always tries to brag about shit that isn't even true, she's got me ALL pissed!" Alyssa walks away to collect herself and turns to her aunt Rose for comfort, "Aye yi yi, I told my hita not to worry about it and that god will punish Irma for lying about her tamales! my god doesn't like liars!" Aunt Rose told Danvur Daylee in response to Alyssa's tirade. According to Rose, Irma and Alyssa have always been in competition with each other. "Alyssa's just a sad individual who blames everyone but herself for her problems." says a jovial Irma. "F*** that bitch, she acts like her shit doesn't stink!" a visibily upset Alyssa told the Danvur Daylee.

The night started off on the wrong foot with the trivial bickering and auntie Rose getting in the middle of it all. The men of the house however were very happy, "Eee, my hita, Irma makes the best tamles! mmm, mm!" said a jolly uncle Phil as he took another bite into his savory red chile tamale Irma had served him, adding, "Boy, hita you got the magic touch! Alyssa should take lessons! mmm!" Alyssa became livid when she heard her nino Phil express his love for Irma's stored bought tamales."I stayed up all night trying to make masa like my gram'aw (grandma) taught me and this bitch comes in acting like she made her own tamales!" said a frustrated Alysa, adding, "I should just go over to my nino Phil and tell him Irma's a lying bitch cause that's what's UP!"Seeing that Alyssa is visibly upset, auntie Rose comforts Alyssa, "Aye, no, no hita just let it go, sabes que that's just the way Irma is!" explained aunt Rose. "Eh, my wife is just as bad, always getting involved in other peoples business!" said Juan, Roses husband, noting that he constantly has to remind his wife Rose to keep out of family drama. "If you ask me, Rosie just fuels the fire, ya know!" said Juan as he took a bite of his tamale.

Content with the rave reviews she got for her tamales, Irma walks over to the potluck table to check on the food. Irma notices that aunt Anna is serving up the plates of food. "aren't you gonna make you a plate hita?" said Anna, to which Irma replied, "yeah, in a minute auntie. TSS, looks like my tamales are a hit huh auntie? mine are almost gone and Alyssa's still has like three dozen left? oh well guess she'll have a lot of leftovers." said Irma. "Eee, you're too much girl." said aunt Anna, adding, "oh-yeah how did you make your masa hita? Do you use chicken stalk or lard?" caught off guard Irma replies "Eh, I used chicken stalk like gram'aw use to..."Irma replied sheepishly. "chicken que?! your grandma used lard baby." said Anna. "oh yeah, I used lard." said Irma.

The Danvur Daylee - Danvurian & LoHian learn to co-exist.

For the past decade, Rudy Apodaca has been slowly growing frustrated with the reconstruction and gentrification of his neighborhood. "I've lived off uh 32nd & Meade for the past 30 years and man, things have really changed!" Rudy is referring to the ever changing community of the Northwest Denver area. Northwest Denver once known too many as the "Northside" has gone through a lot of changes since Rudy first moved into the area. Over the past decade the Northside name has changed back to its original name from the the late 1800s; "The Highlands". "Chhh, to me, it will always be the NorSide bro (danvurians pronounce Northside without the 'th'.)!" Another significant change has been a complete gentrification of homes and small businesses that made up the old Northside. "I dunno, I do like to walk to the corner to get my morning coffee instead of seeing old broken down neighborhood bars filled with people at 9am?! shoot, back in the day, none of these nice shops were around. Just abandoned buildings tagged up wit graffiti and all kinds uh bullshit!" said Rudy to the Danvur Daily, adding "Oh looky it's my new neighbor, Chad, pulling up in his Subaru." "Hey-ya Rudy how goes it?" said Chad "Eh I am doin' good. I have the Danvur Daily interviewing me about the changes the Northside has gone through over the past decade." said Rudy. "Oh yeah, this used to be the hood, isn't that right Rudy? haha!" said Chad to the Danvur Daily, adding "Hi my name is Chad Van Camp, I live in the flat next door to Rudy here." Chad is an independant contractor who fixes and flips homes. Chad specializes in the North Denver area. "Yeah, it's kinda a hobby of mine. I just love all the culture in this neighborhood. We like to keep things local and only buy fair trade to preserve the integrity of our neighborhood." said Chad. "Yeah, Chad here makes his own beer outta his basement. I've tried it but I will stick to my Budlight with a set up." said Rudy. "Yes sir, ol' Rudy here was lucky enough to try a fresh batch of my new micro beer: Horn's tooth Bock Bing Cherry Ale. haha, it's not your typical domestic beer isn't that right Rudy. We are currently looking for distributors who will pick up our beer." said Chad.

As the interview continued, I noticed the look on Rudy's face changed. Rudy seemed to grow irritated by Chad's forced smile and passive demeanor. Suddenly the interview was all about Chad and his accomplishments. "Oh, did I mention we supply the majority of the neighborhood bistro's with our very own, home grown micro greens?" said Chad, adding "We grow them in a green house, atop my converted flat. I think it's great that some of the top restaurants in town keep it local by buying from us." Chad boasted. "Eh, ok, I think we get the point Chad." shouted a frustrated Rudy, adding "Hey, think you can go so's I can finish up this interview?" "Rudy, I assure you the man does not want to hear about how this was the old hood and that people like me ruined it!" said Chad, adding "You know something, people like you don't accept change very well. If anything people like me have resurrected this neighborhood back to a strong community!" said Chad. "People like you?!!" shouted Rudy. "I tell you what I think about people like you! Yous are a bunch of greedy little assholes who come in and take over tight knit communities and destroy it's cultures and history for what? to put in a stoopid organic ice cream shop?!" said Rudy. "What history?" said Chad, adding "If you call a unhealthy, fast food mexican restaurant culture and history than y....."

The Danvur Daily had to cut this interview short. I guess Danvurians and LoHians still have some things to straighten out before they can co-exist in the same neighborhood.

The Danvur Daylee - Pop or soda? Fight breaks out after argument over fountain drink name

DENVER, CO--Denver PD was called to a local Taco Bell restaurant after a fist fight broke out Wednesday evening. "We received the call just a little after 7pm. The caller described two males in their early to mid 30's, engaging in a verbal confrontation over the proper way to reference a fountain drink." said officer Hicks, adding, "When officer Calhoun and I arrived at the scene the verbal confrontation between the two assailants escalated into a physical altercation." "damn it was nutty bro!" said Eloy Gallegos, who was one of many customers that had witnessed the altercation. "Yay, the dude in front of me ordered a pop and the guy behind the register told him; you mean a soda sir? and the dude in front of me said no a pop and then the foo behind the register said what's a pop? next thing I know them fooz were throwing chingasos! man it was crazy-sick!" said Gallegos. One onlooker managed to record the entire spectacle on his phone. "yay, think I'll upload this shit to YouTube. notch, I'll get like thousands of hits bro!" said the onlooker.

Danvur Daylee was able to get an interview with one of the assailants, Taco bell cashier, mike Henderson. "I really don't know what got into the guy?!" said Henderson, adding, "The guy ordered a soda but called it a pop? I just moved here from California and have no idea what a pop is?" The other assailant, 39 year old Fabian Del Real was able to give the Danvur Daylee a little more insight into the situation. "Tssss, that puss knew what I was talking about! Chhh, who doesn't know what pop means man?!" said Del Real. "I ordered a pop and that foo looked at me All-weird, like I was stoopid er something! so I said; A POP STOOPID don't yous know what a pop is?!" said Del Real, adding "So he told me to stop yallin' so I told him to quit acting stoopid and then we went at it!"

The Denver Police were able to control the situation after a little pepper spray and hand cuffing the assailants. "Our lives were in danger, not just ours but the entire restaurant!" said officer Hicks. "We are just glad we were able to resolve this situation without any further reinforcements." Danvur Daylee also caught up with Officer Calhoun as he was assisting the assailants to the squad car for further questioning. "I am happy with the outcome. Officer Hicks and I were able to resolve this minor situation in less than 20 minutes, just in time for our evening break. hey Hicks what kind of pop would you like with your combo meal?" said Calhoun. "Pop? what's a pop?!" Hicks said in reference to his partners question.

The Danvur Daylee - Area Man sets up small protest in front of the old Ron & Dan's Keg Building

DENVER, 3800 block of Shoshone--53 year old Rick Mondragon was born & raised in the northwest part of Denver, now known to many as The Highlands. "Shits changed around here. ya know this is where I grew up and ran around with my partners. it was a place I called home, now I can't even afford to live here?!" says Mondragon, adding "I can't even get good food here anymore. thank the lord LeChuga's and Subway's are still around!"

Mondragon now lives in a one bedroom apartment in Thornton, CO. "Chhh, everyone I know had to move to thor-in cause all these out of towers started taking over our neighborhood." said Mondragon referring to the recent gentrification of the Highlands...I mean Northside. "This is the northside brotha, you know!?" said Mondragon, adding "this is why I stand here, on the corner with this sign, at my favorite old watering hole!" The "Watering Hole" Mondragon is referring to is the old Ron & Dan's Keg which used to stand on the corner of 38th ave & Shoshone. The Keg is now a sophisticated eatery. "I hold this sign proud!" The sign to which Mondragon is referring to reads: "F%$& all yous rich brats this is the Keg! Northside forever!" "Yeah, I know this sign say's F%$& and I dont care!" says Mondragon as he takes a sip from a container wrapped up in a brown paper bag. "But my son Anthony added the Northside forever part! haha, bless his heart!" said Mondragon.

As The Danvur Daylee continued to conduct this interview, a customer notices Mondragon's demonstration. "Hey, why don't you and your vulgar sign leave the premises! You people need to get a life!" said the customer who asked we do not use his name because the fear of retribution. "hey F$%* yous guys, this is a free country. I maybe older but I'll still kick your little chicken ass buddy!" says Mondragon to the customer. "oh, figures you would resort to violence you barbarian you!"

After this interview Mr. Mondragon was taken into custody and charged with aggravated assault. The customer was rushed to Lutheran Hospital by his request because he referred to Denver General as "disgusting!"

The Danvur Daylee - Distraught Raider Fan Found nude and shaken up near a Denny's Dumpster

DENVER, CO--At approximately 5:15 AM, Denver Police discovered a nude man wondering around the dumpster in a Denny's parking lot located at 1600 block of Nw Federal Blvd. "We received a frantic 911 call at 4:58 AM from a Denny's employee who described a naked distraught male, in his late to early 30's, sitting by the dumpster, in a fetal position." said Denver Police officer Mahoney. Officer Mahoney was the first responding officer to the scene and he was quite taken back by what he saw. "The guy was mumbling about wanting his mom and a blanket because he was cold." said Mahoney, adding "As I approached the distraught male, I noticed what appeared to be orange spray paint covering his lower extremities. The victim also had an orange parking cone protruding out of his posterior."

Danvur Daylee interviewed the 911 caller, Joey De La Cruze. "Tsss, it was crazy-crazy! I went outside to take out the trash and I saw this foo...i mean guy was hiding behind the dumpster. he looked all-scared & stuff. So I asked him what the F#%%& he was doing in the parking lot all-naked, with a parking cone in his ass...oops my bad can we say that!? Pshh, I couldn't even understand him because he was crying! I was like--stop crying like a baby foo!" The distraught man was given a blanket and taken to a near by hospital to check for any further injuries. "A fellow officer and myself made several attempts at getting some information as to what happened to the male victim in question. The only coherent response we got from him was...This is Bronco Country and I want to go home!" said officer Mahoney.

If anyone has any information leading to the apprehension of the suspects responsible for this crime, don't call, don't write because you will be next!

The Danvur Daylee - Danvur Chicanos reach record breaking numbers at free Boys II Men concert.

DENVER, TASTE OF COLORADO--"We definitely had our hands full Monday night. People were elbow to elbow!" said Denver Police Departments, Sgt. Tackleberry in regards to the the Chicano population, during the Taste of Colorado's Boy II Men concert. "It was a very stressful situation trying to get to the Turkey Leg condiments." said a Denver resident--who asked they remain anonymous. "They were very rude in line. one fellow with what looked to be plucked eyebrows, wearing a tilted ball cap shouted: Hey Bud, you're gonna have to wait! quit trying to BUD, I'm gettin' my grub on that's what's up!!! So I just turned around and walked the other way. I had to eat my turkey leg without hot sauce and napkin!" Sgt. Tackleberry told the Danvur Daylee that for the most part it was a very peaceful night on Monday. "Everyone was having a good time but I noticed some people left the concert early." said Sgt. Tackleberry "Most of the people leaving the Boys II Men concert walked to the other stage -- Where a Bluegrass band was playing, located south of the main stage." added Sgt. Tackleberry. One observer noticed that many of the Chicanos in attendance knew each other. "It was amazing!? everyone seemed to be related or a cousin of some sort." said an onlooker, adding "I accidentally bumped lightly into fellow in front of me and the fellow next to him shouted: Why you starting s#$% with my cousin bud?! I was a lost for words and explained to the gentleman that I was in no way looking for trouble, to which he replied, that's what I thought bud!"

The Danvur Daylee - Danvur teen grounded for eating Santiago's instead of Chubby's

THORNTON, CO--Local teen Eric Lucero, who reports indicate will be spending the next two weeks in his room without video games or television, opted for an Indian Taco instead of a Beef and Bean Special. "I was All-hungry!" said Lucero, 18, adding "It would've taken me a grip to get to Chubby's!" Lucero was actually one bus and a transfer away from the mouth watering Original Chubby's located on the corner of 38th and Lipan, in Denver but instead settled for a Santiago's. "Tsss, he knows best! CanEven believe my son would do that, CHUBBY'S 4 LIFE!" say's Manny Lucero, Erics father. "Oh yes, I've seen him get a BBC from La Casita and Gomez burritos, he shouldn't EVEN be talking s#$%!" Eric said of his father Manny's disloyalty to Chubby's . "Notch Omina (now watch, I am going to) sneak out tonight and go out with the fellahz!" said Eric, adding, "and ju know what? they have Bubba Chino burritos for sale inside the club. I am gonna get one for me and all my homies! we're gonna get our grub on and I don't even care BuD!!"

The Danvur Daylee - Danvur native sues Twitter for stealing name Idea!

DENVER, CO--visibly upset, agitated and "ALL-pissed," 29 year old Bernard Villalpando reportedly is trying to sue the social networking and microblogging king, twitter. Villalpando accuses the media giant for blatantly stealing the name "Twitter" from him back in 2006 as Villalpando was posting in an online forum. "CanEven believe they copied my idea! Twitter is goin' down! THAT'S WHAT'S UP!" says an angry Villalpando. Back in late 2006, Villalpando was chatting online at the local Denver Public Library and responded to a chat from a user going by the name of; jjdorsey00. "I was late and postoo meet my probation officer. i started to book from the liberry and i sawl his post." The post in question was from jjdorsey00 and addressed to Villalpando. The post read: "Happy Friday BVillapando69! hope u r as excited as I am 4 the wknd!" to which Villalpando responded: "Oh yes bud, don't get ALL-twittered!" "My Client's intellectual property was violated and we will not hesitate to prosecute to the fullest!" says Villalpando's attorney, Jerry Padilla.

"TSSS, I CALL QUITS!"

As Neil Sedaka put it so frankly, breaking up is hard to do!
If you want to see the true colors of a Danvurian or be witness to someone in their natural environment, try being present when a Danvur high school couple 'calls quits!'!

Nothing can make a Danvurian happier than being in the middle of drama. Whether it's callin' quits, drunken fights at family functions, facebook or just a happy hour at the bar turned slug fest, Danvurians 'love them some drama!'. There is, however, a catch. A Danvurian will never truely admit to the fact they love to surround themselves in relationship or any other type of drama. Instead the Danvurian will go to lengths convincing you that they 'can't stand all this drama!’ I know you're thinking; boy, he sure loves the word 'drama'. The truth is this word has become a huge part of the Danvurians vocabulary in recent years. But let's focus on 'callin' quits' and save the word 'drama' for a completely different post.

Callin' quits is the equivalent to the royal family of whales filing for a divorce (on a smaller scale of course). Callin' quits also sends out a message that two of the most popular peeps in school are now available and on the market. Once this infamous couple calls quits, the rumor cogwheels start to turn and pave the way for overreacting, dramatic people to show themselves. Girls get hurt, boys get jealous, girls get jealous, boys get into a fight, girls get into 'nasty' cat fights and the casual observer becomes a spectator. We now have a full blown soap opera served Danvur style!

I will now act out a fictional Danvur couple callin' quits:

Ants (Anthony): 'Tssss, I think awe-men-uh call quits!'
Manny: 'UH-UH?!?!'
Ants:’ yay-vinz, I just don't wanna be with her any mores!'
Manny: 'Tsssssssss...'

(Once this conversations ends, Manny will start tellin' his buddies and then they’ll tell their buddies, and so on, and so on, and so on...)

Bern: 'So I hear you wanna call quits??!!'
Ants: 'PHssss, OH-YES, who said that?!'
Bern: 'Antoinette told me! Tssss, she said that, Maria said that, Lena said that, Luis said that Manny told Marko and he told his cousin, who happens to be my cousin Efrin!'
Ants: 'OH YESS, their ALL liars' and jellous (jealous)!'
Bern: 'So you don't wanna call quits?!'
Ants: 'NEDZ!'
Bern: 'OOoo, that Antoinette, awe-men-uh beat her ass!'

And so the drama begins...

The Evolution of the Danvurian Male 1990's - 2000's