Husband Irate After Wife Refuses to "Make him a plate"

COMMERCE CITY, CO—After watching an exciting Monday Night Football game at a Denver Bronco themed family party, local husband Jerry Padilla, 45, asked his wife Rosie Padilla, 43 to serve him a plate as he sat watching the game. It wasn't until Mrs. Padilla refused to serve her husband that Mr. Padilla became livid.

"Tsss, All I did was ask my wife to make me a plate and I get all kindz of attitude from her?!" said Jerry, adding, "It's not like this is the first time I ever asked her to get off her a$$ to make me a plate!" Sources at the party say Mr. Padilla appeared to be a little intoxicated from consuming a six pack of Bud Light and "doin' shots with his hitos". "Chhh, I had a few beers and did some shots with my hitos and got ALL-hungry. So I asked my lady to hook me up with some grub and she was all, make it your damn self!" shouted Jerry, adding that while he could have very well got up from the sofa to serve himself, he likes the way his wife "makes his plate". "Chhh, he gets all menso when he's had too much to drink." said a visibly upset Rosie, adding, "I was in the kitchen talking to my sister, Teresa, and all-of-a-sudden we heard Jerry yell, Hey Rosie, make me a plate! I'm ALL, get off your lazy a$$ and make it yourself! He's right next to the food and I'm all the way in the kitchen?! I swear that man's too damn lazy to get off the couch because he might miss his precious game!"

An hour later order was restored once again when Jerry's niece Selena decided to make her uncle a plate. Selena believed It was in everybody's best interest that her uncle ate. "Uncle Jerry's all drunk and he needs to eat something!" said Selena, adding "I hate when my uncle and auntie fight over stupid stuff. I know my auntie gets frustrated with uncle Jerry when he's drunk but what good is it to argue with a drunk man?" When asked what she thought about her niece serving Jerry, Rosie had a few choice words for us. "That girl is still young and doesn't know the shit I put up with on game day. EEE, but watch, she'll learn!"

Just then Selena's boyfriend Isaiah Ortiz, 21, walks into the party. "Hey come in hito, glad you can make it. Hey Selena get Zaiah a beer will ya!" said Jerry. "Gimme a Bud Light Lime!" shouted Isaiah.

The Danvur Daylee - Danvurian & LoHian learn to co-exist.

For the past decade, Rudy Apodaca has been slowly growing frustrated with the reconstruction and gentrification of his neighborhood. "I've lived off uh 32nd & Meade for the past 30 years and man, things have really changed!" Rudy is referring to the ever changing community of the Northwest Denver area. Northwest Denver once known too many as the "Northside" has gone through a lot of changes since Rudy first moved into the area. Over the past decade the Northside name has changed back to its original name from the the late 1800s; "The Highlands". "Chhh, to me, it will always be the NorSide bro (danvurians pronounce Northside without the 'th'.)!" Another significant change has been a complete gentrification of homes and small businesses that made up the old Northside. "I dunno, I do like to walk to the corner to get my morning coffee instead of seeing old broken down neighborhood bars filled with people at 9am?! shoot, back in the day, none of these nice shops were around. Just abandoned buildings tagged up wit graffiti and all kinds uh bullshit!" said Rudy to the Danvur Daily, adding "Oh looky it's my new neighbor, Chad, pulling up in his Subaru." "Hey-ya Rudy how goes it?" said Chad "Eh I am doin' good. I have the Danvur Daily interviewing me about the changes the Northside has gone through over the past decade." said Rudy. "Oh yeah, this used to be the hood, isn't that right Rudy? haha!" said Chad to the Danvur Daily, adding "Hi my name is Chad Van Camp, I live in the flat next door to Rudy here." Chad is an independant contractor who fixes and flips homes. Chad specializes in the North Denver area. "Yeah, it's kinda a hobby of mine. I just love all the culture in this neighborhood. We like to keep things local and only buy fair trade to preserve the integrity of our neighborhood." said Chad. "Yeah, Chad here makes his own beer outta his basement. I've tried it but I will stick to my Budlight with a set up." said Rudy. "Yes sir, ol' Rudy here was lucky enough to try a fresh batch of my new micro beer: Horn's tooth Bock Bing Cherry Ale. haha, it's not your typical domestic beer isn't that right Rudy. We are currently looking for distributors who will pick up our beer." said Chad.

As the interview continued, I noticed the look on Rudy's face changed. Rudy seemed to grow irritated by Chad's forced smile and passive demeanor. Suddenly the interview was all about Chad and his accomplishments. "Oh, did I mention we supply the majority of the neighborhood bistro's with our very own, home grown micro greens?" said Chad, adding "We grow them in a green house, atop my converted flat. I think it's great that some of the top restaurants in town keep it local by buying from us." Chad boasted. "Eh, ok, I think we get the point Chad." shouted a frustrated Rudy, adding "Hey, think you can go so's I can finish up this interview?" "Rudy, I assure you the man does not want to hear about how this was the old hood and that people like me ruined it!" said Chad, adding "You know something, people like you don't accept change very well. If anything people like me have resurrected this neighborhood back to a strong community!" said Chad. "People like you?!!" shouted Rudy. "I tell you what I think about people like you! Yous are a bunch of greedy little assholes who come in and take over tight knit communities and destroy it's cultures and history for what? to put in a stoopid organic ice cream shop?!" said Rudy. "What history?" said Chad, adding "If you call a unhealthy, fast food mexican restaurant culture and history than y....."

The Danvur Daily had to cut this interview short. I guess Danvurians and LoHians still have some things to straighten out before they can co-exist in the same neighborhood.

Chonch or Choncho

It is a known fact Danvurians love to create their own language. In past posts we've learned a lot about the Danvurians life style and mannerisms. But the queen Marry of all things Danvur is the ability to create their own lingo.

In the mid to late 80's the word "Chonch" hit the Danvur scene like wild fire. Like crack hitting Danvur in the mid 90's - Chonch was a hot commodity. In Danvur little is known about the true meaning of the word "Chonch". To Danvurians, Chonch has a variety of meanings. In the era of Oak Tree and Dwayne Wayne flip-up glasses, Danvurians utilized Chonch in many ways; slammin' you in public (another word for being cowardly), an alternate name for a male or female's genital area, and a derogatory word for intercourse. Danvurians used every opportunity to belt out the six letter noun (sometimes used as a verb for the advanced Danvurian) whenever they were in company of friends or other fellow Danvurians.

Here are some great examples of the word "Chonch":

"Psssh, damn bud! Why do you have to be such a Chonch!"

(grabbing his crotch) "Hey! lick my chonch!"

In some cases the Danvurian would add an "o" to the end of the word "Chonch".
Example; "UH, what up Choncho?!"

Today the word Chonch is rarely, if ever used by Danvurians. Like naming your daughter beverly, Chonch is seldomly used in a public forum. Most of the Danvurians who abused the word have grown up and become parents, some even grandparents. Flashing back to when a chic's hair was higher in front (not in the back using a "Bump It") and a fool sported a vent brush in his back pocket, Chonch was the mother of all derogatory words used by the Danvurian. Like the old sayin'; "Hey, don't be a Chonch and bring the word "Chonch" back to Danvur.