Broncos loss causes Monday hangover for the Danvurian

The Broncos, Denver hero's with the power to alter the Danvurians day for better or for worse. Between the months of September and January the Broncos are the puppet masters and the Danvurians are the marionettes. Whether the Danvurians Monday is happy and full of promise or crappy like the morning after a night of booze drinking and cocaine, all depends on the outcome of the Bronco game the day before.

In this four month period of Broncomania, Friday is the most promising day of all. Danvurians are on top of the world, strolling into the office Friday morning, clad in their favorite Bronco attire: some sporting their #30 Terrell Davis Jersey, the old school fans with an Orange Crush, Randy Gradishar throw-back, and let us not forget the lovely blue haired receptionist with the dangling bronco helmet earrings. All is great in Bronco land on Friday, not even the office's token Raider fan, who goes out of his way to rank on the Broncos can burst the Danvurians bubble on this crisp Autumn morning. With the Bronco jersey working like a kevlar vest, the Danvurian feels they can take on the work day and anything else coming their way Friday. And when the work day is over it's off to happy hour for a little pre-game celebration. The Danvurian is such the loyal fan, their celebration spans a whole three days in anticipation of Bronco Sunday. But all of this cheer and blissful celebration can come to a screeching halt when the Broncos lose.

It's not whether the Broncos win or lose, it's how they lose that gives the avid Broncos fan an ulcer. For years the Broncos have a way of making stupid mistakes in games. This is a proven fact and any true Bronco fan can vouch for me. Yes, there has been times when the Broncos lose and the Danvurian is still happy because their team put up a valiant effort. But most of the time the Broncos have their fans scratching their heads post game, trying to figure out how a team can screw up in such donkey (a nickname created by Bronco haters) fashion. For years the Broncos have been the proverbial welcome mat to opposing team records. Shit, a running backs shoes have made it to Canton because the Broncos allowed most yards rushed in a game, by a single player! Don't get me started on the plethora of record breaking plays against Denver in Super Bowl appearances because we would be here all night.

In the late 1990's, the Danvurians were finally vindicated when Elway and the boys won back-to-back Super Bowls. Bronco fans were dancing in the streets and crying tears of joy because they're beloved Bronco's finally got the respect they felt were cheated out of all these years. Elway was held to Deity status and praised by all Danvurians as the most beloved player in Bronco history. To this day Elway shares the spotlight with fellow patron saint of Danvur, Carlos Santana. When Elway finally retired on top, and the Broncos had two Super Bowl trophies under their belt, Danvurians believed the worst was behind them and their beloved Broncos would no longer be the NFL's laughing stock.

With a new Coaching staff, Quarterback and players, the Broncos are still the Rodney Dangerfields of the NFL, they just get "No Respect". Through all this turmoil the Danvurian still stands by their team like a nice obedient Stepford Wife. Danvurians need the Broncos, for crying out-loud when the sun sets, and the sky turns a brilliant shade of orange, the Danvurians swear it's because god loves the Broncos. With that kind of unconditional love, Danvurians are the best fans a team can have.

Get Uncle Ron's Favorite, Danvur inspired T-shirt

An inspired Uncle Ron, "FATOLJAY" t-shirt is available @ inkwraps.com. You can read about the "fatoljay" danvurism, on danvur.com by clicking here.

A December Danvurian Tradition : Making biscochitos and tamales

Christmas is around the corner and if you are a Danvurian, you know it's time to make truck loads of biscochitos and tamales with family. I am not too far off by saying "truck loads" believe me, Danvuian families usually roll deep!

Every year in December Danvurians get together (usually with mom, aunties and grandma) to make biscochitos and tamales. The good ol' days of all the little cousins running into the kitchen to help grandma and aunties roll out the masa for the tamales, and gramps and the uncles in the other room, watching college football and the Broncos on the tube. The older cousins were usually outside, in the garage smoking a "fatoljay" with the neighbor kids. I remember on one occasion running into the garage to get a basketball. I saw four of my older cousins and two neighbor kids standing in a circular formation facing each other, with a cloud of smoke over their heads. As I barged in uninvited they all turned their heads in a synchronized fashion with their cheeks puffed out from holding in the smoke. They actually thought by doing this that I couldn't smell anything. HA!

Cousin: "Aye (hey), what you doin' in ear (hear) buuud!"

Me: "Just came to get a basketball?!"

Cousin: "WHHhhoooooooo (exhales), better not tell grams were out here! Psssh, cuz I'll beat your ass bud!"

Me: "what are you guys doin'?" (I knew damn well what they were doing, I was just so cynical I had to hear it from them.)

Cousin: "Tssss, don't worry about it. hey when are them tamales gonna be done?! cuz we're All-hungry out here!"

Me: "Don't know, I'll check."

Cousin: "And Hey! better keep your mouth shut puss, and I'm "not-even" lying!"

I ran back into the house to ask grandma when we can eat. she replied with:

Gramz: "Oh poody (pretty) soon hito, where are your cousins?"

I didn't dare tell gramz that they were in the garage, leaning on Gramp's Caddy puffin' on the tweeds! This is just one of many fond memories I have of December family gatherings around the holidays.

Making biscochitos and tamales has been a Danvur tradition as far back as I can remember, and is sure to be passed on to the new generation. Hopefully the new generation will respect tradition/culture and continue this beautiful annual gathering. But todays generation of Danvurians are becoming more diverse, and I see a decline in the old Danvur chicano traditions, which is all good because they're making new traditions. For instance, my Gramz (grandmother) is close to 100 years old and can't quite continue the rigorous tasks of making masa, red chile and biscochitos from scratch. Thanks to my Momz, my mother stays with my Grams and helps keep the tradition by making biscochito & tamale care packages for my ginormous/multi-cultural family. If my mother had not taken the initiative this year, I would have been without the comforts of my Danvur Family tradition: The spicy, wholesome goodness of a warm tamale and the taste of black licorice from the anise seed baked inside the biscochitos.

Who knows, the vast majority of future Danvurians will be more diversified, and will create their own traditions. They'll probably create a fusion tamale that contains; plantains, black beans and Sriracha infused pork butt. And instead of biscochitos, it will be chicken apple empanadas with a rich demi-glaze (I know what a weird combination, but have you seen some of the new restaurants popping up around North Denver.) Davurians are no longer being influenced by a single cultural background. Danvurians are now catching on to the East coast "European influences and way of life" maybe the new tradition will be: riding to Grandma's house in a Vespa to make topas and drinking a good "porto" (port)?

All kidding aside, whatever new traditions you may have, any tradition is great as long as family sticks together.

Happy Holidayz!
danvur.com

Old Skool Danvurism - Spandex

Denver, Colorado, the summer of 1988; Keith Sweat and Bobby Brown topped the R&B charts, Roller City with their “All nighters” was the place to be, and wearing Spandex as a part of your everyday attire was the norm.

In Danvur, Spandex became a phenomenon in the late 80’s and tapered off in the early 90’s. The Grunge era was responsible for the fazing out of the synthetic fiber bike shorts and their exceptional elasticity. Every young Danvurian participated in the Lycra (Spandex) craze which swept through Denver like a Kansas City dust storm.

Poofer-Chics (female Danvurians with a taste for High Hair Dos and Aqua Net) were probably responsible for 80% of the Spandex being purchased in Denver between the years 1987-1989. During this time Lycra (Spandex) stocks were sky rocketing due to a quick surge in Spandex sales. If you lived in Danvur (or surrounding areas like “Thortin” and “Waastminister”) and you loved dance music, then most likely you’re guilty of busting a pair of “Dex”. I can just see it now; “Oh Sheela”, by Ready for the World blaring at a school social. In the middle of the dance floor is a group of Poofer Chics wearing matching cow patterned Spandex, and dancing the Robo Cop/Roger Rabbit. Ah the good ol' days of Aqua Net, R&B tapes, Hicky Neclaces, over sized IOU sweaters and Spandex are still fresh in my mind. But Poofer Chics alone were not the only Danvurians making up a huge percentage of Spandex sales. The guys were guilty and also participants in this memorable moment in Danvurian pop culture. That’s right the dudes were putting on the “Dex” and beaters (Hanes white, ribbed tank top). This made for an interesting and “creative” way for carrying their vent brush and Velcro wallets.

But the Pièce de résistance had to be the matching Spandex couple! In high school, everyone knew the popular Danvur couple with their matching high hair dos and Lycra Bike Shorts. This couple could almost always be spotted walking a breast up and down the school halls, during class time. I often wondered how this elusive couple had managed to not get pinched by school security. I am convinced this couple had a year supply of hall pass slips.

“Damn! She’s All-fine in her wicked ol’ spandex, huh!”
- Danvurian circa 1988

Chubbz!

Ok, I finally summoned the courage to write a post about the infamous, Original Chubby's Restaurant, located in Denver, CO. Keep in mind this is not an easy task and must be handled with a kid-glove approach. I don't need the stress of an irate Danvurian knocking down my front door because I upset the masses.

Original Chubby's Restaurant is something ALL Danvurians alike can agree on. Whether your an Uppity-Chicano trying to show your Caucasian colleague the beauty of a smothered fry, or maybe you're a city worker who takes four lunch breaks in a single day. To the Danvurian, Chubby's is everything they want: Ridiculously hot, green chile, large portions, smothered, and it's perfect for those nights of heavy drinking.

For a Danvurian going to Chubby's is almost like going to church, it happens at least one to two times a week. For some Danvurians, the slightest peep of the word "Chubby's" will have them salivating like a Pavlov dog and going through withdrawals. Dating back to the late 60's, Chubby's has been "Danvur's" fast food of choice and remains a staple of the Danvurian diet. Thousands upon thousands of smothered fries and bean specials are being consumed by Danvurians each year. Slews of people line up, order and take a number in wait of the spicy, mouth-watering goodness that is Chubby's. Though there are a number of different meats and ingredients that make up the Chubby's menu, the cheese and the green chile remain the two most crucial ingredients in the entire Chubby's arsenal.

Chubby's green chile is very hot with a thick gravy consistency. I say green but the chile has more of an orangish hue to it and contains a lot of Chile Piquin and Jalapenos to give it that extra kick. Depending on who's cooking, or what time of day you go to Chubby's, the chile can be just right or it can burn the crap out of your taste buds. If you are looking for a five alarm type chile I suggest you go in at 2:00 am (during the drunken club-goer hours). For some reason 2:00 am, on the weekend happens to be when Chubby's makes the hottest chile. Sometimes the chile is so hot I find myself finishing my Double Big Gulp before I can make it half way through my smothered fries.

The cheese is the main ingredient, and quite frankly I think they put crack in the cheese because it's so addicting. Keep in mind this cheese is no Gorgonzola Dulce or Parmigiano Reggiano, it's a smooth hybrid of Velteeta aged Wisconsin cheddar and good'ol gov'mnt cheese. No matter what cheese snobs may say, the velvety texture of Chubby's cheddar is about as creamy as you can get! I am serious! As a customer I love looking into the order window, leading into the kitchen to watch the cooks sprinkle the shredded Chubby's cheddar on my plate. The sprinkling of the cheese is one of the final touches to a masterpiece, followed by the stapling of the two Chinet plates. That's right an extra Chinet plate on top forms the ingenious container design, created by Chubby's. Once the top Chinet plate is in place, The cheese almost instantly melts into the chile creating a nacho type chile/cheese sauce!

Danvurians can't get enough of Chubby's, it's like heroin. Any self respected Danvurian knows the way to a Danvurians heart is through their stomachs, and when you add Chubb's to the mix the Danvurian also pays for it out their a!#$. Post-Chubby's, bubble guts can be harsh to the digestive track but this is a small risk the Danvurian is willing to take. After feasting on a Chubby's burrito, the Danvurian will always tell themselves; "UGH! never again! I have the post-smothered fry runs!" However days later the same Danvurian will be inside Chubby's with number in hand, waiting impatiently for their smothered crack. For the experienced Danvurian it only takes an approximate 8-24 hour grace period until their next Chubby's order. Over years of consumption, the experience Danvurian has developed a cast iron stomach from eating Chubby's on a regular basis.

You know when you are approaching Chubby's because of the distinct smell that emanates outside the rear entrance of the restaurant. Once you arrive to the parking lot, good luck finding a parking spot. Chubby's has constant traffic throughout the day which makes for overcrowding. Again this is a simple obstacle the Danvurian is willing to take-on in acquiring their next bean special with chicharron.

Chubb's is revered by the vast majority of Danvurians and their out of state friends who hear many a tale of the hot, cheese-oozing smothered goodness. If you live out of state and visit here often, I am sure you've experienced Chubby's through a Danvurian acquaintance or relative. Danvurians love Chubb's so much they feel obligated to spread the gospel to the uniformed.

The following are testimonials from satisfied Chubby's customers:

"HELL YA, CHUBBYS IS DA BOMB! PSSSSH I HIT UP CHUBBZ WHENEVER I'M ALL HUNGRY!"
- Ants (Anthony)

"MMMM IT'S ALL-GRUB! LOL, WAYZOUT!"
-Bern

"I leave the office around 11:00 to beat the lunch rush, which mostly consists of City Workers."
-Jerry O

"For lunch, I give up my parking downtown just to drive a few co-workers and myself to 38th!"
-Chad

Don't Be Stash Bud?!

If you've lived in Denver longer than a year you should be aware that whatever is in your possession also belongs to a Danvurian. I know this sounds ridiculous but let me try to explain the complexity of the word "stash"!

Danvurians feel they are entitled to everything and anything in their immediate surroundings. You may ask yourself this does not seem fare, why should I have to give what I've earned to a stranger?! Well it's simple, Danvurians can become very abrasive people if you do not accept these terms. It's almost like a Mafioso; whatever your possessions maybe becomes theirs, or at the very minimum a percentage of what you have. Don't get me wrong the Danvurian will not chop you up and throw you in the weeds (although some might.) like some gangster, instead the Danvurian will label you with the ultimate insult of being "Stash".

The word "Stash" is very powerful to the Danvurian. Like I've stated in past posts, the Danvurian is a person of few words. Danvurians love to use strong home-spun jargon to get their point across and using the word "Stash" is a prime example. Not only does the word stash convey how "greedy" they think you are, it adds a little bit of an insult because you choose not to share. If the Danvurian feels they are being completely cut out of the deal and can't stress how they feel enough, you maybe called "All-Stash". Remember adding the word "ALL" before an adjective works as an interjection for the Danvurian. Here is an actual conversation I had with a fellow Danvurian using the word stash.

Danvurian: "Tsss, hey bud lemme have some of your fries?!" (notice the Danvurian politely asks me but at the sametime becomes very demanding.)

ME: "Ah, well I am kinda hungry and haven't ate anything all day."

Danvurian: "PSSSSh! Damn bud! you're All-Stash!"

Yes the Danvurian could have very well replied with; "No problem, I'll get my own." But this is what makes the Danvurian a rare individual. I ended up giving the Danvurian half of my fries because 1.) I felt guilty and 2.) I felt threatened by his tone and demeanor. Only the Danvurian has the power to do this with just a single word.

Remember the next time you are with a Danvurian, and they ask you for something that is in your possession, don't question just give it to them. It's not worth the hassle or stress. Believe me you'll thank me for this sage advice.

Danvurians and their "Suped up" or "Souped up" SUVs

Since danvurians consider themselves to be "suave" and "self-assured", they are in constant need of accessories that will help project this image. One of the best ways a Danvurian can show the world they are polished and refined is to own (or lease, but y'all don't need to know that.) a souped up SUV.

There are various types of expensive SUV's (loads) that appeal to the Danvurian and pin pointing the best model is a very complex situation. For instance, purchasing an SUV depends on the Danvurians budget. If they are a blue collared worker, most often they will opt for a lower tier of SUV like a KIA or Chevy Blazer. But if the blue collar Danvurian refuses to settle on the latter, they will opt for the high end SUV like the Escalade or a North Denver fav, Yukon (preferably Black). If the blue collared Danvurian chooses the expensive, higher end SUV, one of two things have to happen, either they still live at home or they're leasing it.

If the Danvurian is a high roller expensive accessories for the SUV are a must. These accessories include: 22's (some high rollers are known to opt for 24's!), back-up camera, DVD player with THX sound features, over-the-top sound system are just to name a few. The SUV will have to be high end for the high roller; For example a new H1 Hummer, 2010 Lincoln Navigator or the ever popular Cadillac Escalade. The high roller pride themselves in their choice of SUV. To the high roller the SUV is an extension of themselves and will go to lengths on achieving the most loced out ride.

Lastly we have the Uppity-Chicano SUV. The Uppity-Chicano is a very complex person and relies more on the foreign SUVs and not so much of the custom accessories. The choice SUV for the Uppity-Chicano are BMW, Mercedes, Acura or Toyota Landcruiser. Nothing upsets an Uppity-Chicano more than a High Roller trying to "loc out" one of these rides, especially the Landcruiser because the Landcruiser is probably the most attainable ride of the four. The only people who are exempt from "locing out" their rides are Professional Football players or NBA stars.

So if you're cruising the Boulevard and roll next to a souped up ride, honk and acknowledge their ride. Because nothing will make a Danvurian feel more validated then appreciating their load.

"Huh!" Followed up by the universal head nod.

In casual conversation the Danvurian can use one word and head gesture to agree, get their point across or to ask for repetition of an utterance. Huh? you ask? The word "huh" is a very important word used by the Danvurian in expressing themselves.

Huh can be used in numerous ways. One of the many uses of the word "huh" can be agreement. For example, say you're dissatisfied with your job and you happen to work with a Danvurian who shares your discontent with the work place. Simply turn to the Danvurian and express your displeasure with your job: "Oh I just hate it when they have us run these reports every morning!" The Danvurian will take notice of your disgust and agree with the following: "Huh!" (The universal head nod follows the word huh.). Doing this gesture conveys the Danvurians empathy to your situation.

Another use of the word "huh" and head nod is an exclamation expressing surprise or excitement and frequently introducing a question. The Danvurian is good at expressing themselves with filled pauses or one word sentences. This is a way for the Danvurian to express emotion. Example: "Huh, he got knocked the fuck out!"

My last example is used as a part of an utterance not properly heard or understood. For example say you are asking a Danvurian a question from another room and they can't hear because they are watching the Bronco game in the other room. Example: "Hey Rudy, want cheese on your smothered?!" "Huh bud, I am watching the game?!"

Danvurians are very expressive people who love to get their point across with minimal effort and lots of emotion. To the right people we are very open and talkative, but if we hardly know you and you want to engage in conversation, do not be insulted if we reply with a single interjection..."Huh!"

I-70 purina plant

The infamous drive down I-70, just east of the mouse trap is a drive that makes every Danvuian cringe with disgust. Heading east, past the Stock Show, and Coliseum, just yards away in all it's glory, the Purina Plant. If you live in Denver and have traveled I-70 east you know the aroma that is Purina.

When I was a little kid, my mom would take I-70 east to go to work, and I knew it meant passing the Purina Plant. So just like clock work my bro and I would cover our noses with our shirts in preparation of the musky, sweet-fecal smelling stench that emanated out of those huge smoke stacks. The stench would linger almost as far as Vasquez blvd and give my mother a headache. For years it was rumored in the hood, the stench came from a slaughter house and not Purina. Once the Slaughter house closed down a few years ago, there was no argument to where the stench comes from.

There are two small towns that surround the Purina plant, towns that I like to call the "Armpits of Danvur" . In the hood, we associate the stench with the lil town known as Swansea, a.k.a "Swampton!" The other town, Globville is within walking distance of Purina, this is the town I like to call "The Land that time forgot". Growing up in Globeville you get use to the smell because of the several other odors that make up the town Globeville.

If you find yourself gridlocked, during rush hour, on I-70 between Washington and York. Roll down the window, take a deep breath, and take in the rancidity-rankness that is Purina.

"Chicalian foods!" Subway, Lechuga's and Patsy's Form the Danvur Triumvirate!

Mangiare! Mangiare! Or should i say: Comer! Comer! Mmm, Italian cuisine, delicious, savory, delicate and pleasantly satisfying. There's nothing like sitting at a table family style, drinking vino and eating healthy portions of home cooked Italian food. With ingredients like: olive oil, tomatoes, peppers, sausage, seafood, cheese and wine, Italian food is one of the most popular foods in America. Spaghetti is possibly the most recognized Italian food Americans love to eat. In Sicily making spaghetti has been a tradition since 12th century AD. Ingredients vary by region but we can all agree that Italian food has some of the most appetizing and gratifying dishes in the world.

In Danvur we have the 3 main italian hot spots in the hood that have been around for decades. In what I like to call "Chicalian food" (Chicalian - a hybrid of Southern Italian and Chicano/Tex-mex foods.), Subway, Lechuga's and Patsy's form the holy triumvirate of Danvur!

The holy trinity that is Subway, Lechuga's and Patsy's is home to some of the best Chicalian food in town! If you live in Danvur you've heard of these 3 joints, that is unless you've been living under a rock for the past 30 years. Back in the day, about 40 years ago the North Danvur hood was mostly populated by Italian Americans. With well known Italian families opening little shops and meat markets around the North Danvur area, the Italian community thrived for years. With the changing times, Chicano's have became the majority in the North Denver hood, but the the Danvur triumvirate restaurants remain as signifigant as they did 30 years ago.

"Chicalian Food!" yep, that's right, this is a word I created because where else can you get a Cannoli with Jalapenos, smothered?! Only at Lechuga's, Subway and Patsy's! Being a fellow Danvurian I know my peeps love food that is "Smothered!" Usually Cannoli's are a sweet desert, what's that?! To a Danvurian a "Cannoli" will always be a pastry filled with a meat, marinara and cheese, oh and SMOTHERED of course. These 3 establishments have the same distinct "Danvur Chicalian" taste. the marinara and sausage are pretty much the same at all 3 places. They keep it real by buying all their ingredients local. HiLoians, take note because we know how you like to "Keep it local!".

You want Chiken scallopini, Carbonara or rabbit catchatori? Heh, not at these 3 heavy weights of Danvur, Lechuga's, Subway and Patsy's keep it simple with a Danvur flare! On the go? A Mini Devil is the food of choice for the Danvurian. Lechuga's keeps it Chicalian by putting Jalapenos inside a mini calzone which satisfy's any Danvurian with the munchies "wink".

The next time you roll to the hood and are looking for the best rib sticking Italian food, try the Danvur Triumvirate that is Subway, Lechuga's and Patsy's!

Carlos Santana - The Patron Saint of Danvur

Santana, the patron saint of Danvur is a Mexican-born American rock god! Santana is best known for being a pioneer of rock, salsa-fusion in the late 60's and early 70's.
To Danvurians, Santana is the pinnacle of success and we look up to him like the smooth uncle who plays guitar in our family. As Danvurians growing up, we've all had cousins and uncles who try to emulate his style. From wearing bandanas, guayabera's and growing their hair long, I remember being a little kid and watching my uncles play the bongos, light up fatoljays and try to jam along to Santana alubums. No matter the occasion a Santana song can surely get a Danvur party started.

If you've ever attended a Danvur bar bq, party or bar, you know that Santana is a safe selection when playing music. The mere sound of "Oye Como Va!" playing will soften the hardest of Danvurians! Upon hearing this track, the Danvurian quickly goes into groove mode. When attending a Danvur Party, you can bet someone will slip in Santana's Greatest Hits (the CD with the African male holding a dove), this happens like clock work. Playing this CD will ensure everyone that the party is still live and will be for hours to come.

No matter what your music preference is, Santana is a way for all Danvurians to have a common ground. For instance, the music nazi friend who refuses to listen to anything mainstream, and will opt for more of the unattainable alternative sounds. Santana is a perfect ice breaker for this kind of music enthusiast, but of course the music nazi friend will most likely gravitate toward the more obscure Santana tracks like: "The Santana Brothers album."

Santana is a god to all Danvurians and remains an important force in the Danvurian culture. This is why Santana is the patron saint of DANVUR!

Oh Thank Haven fo Saven Elaven!

An easy way to blend into the Danvurian culture is learning how to speak the appropriate dialect. pronunciation and delivery is everything when socializing with Danvurians. One of the most common examples is pronouncing "E" like "A". For this brief exercise I will be using one of the most popular varieties of the Danvurian vocabulary, The word "Denver". Taking the "e" sound in Denver and changing it to the "a" sound gives you "Danver", that's it! I will now use "Danver" in a simple sentence:
"Psssh, it gets "Allcold" in Danver, spashly in tha winner!"
Notice I used a Danvurism from a previous lesson, the compound werd; "Allcold". I also took out the "t" in winter and completely butchered the word "especially". These are more advanced words and will be taught in future posts.

This concludes our Danvurism lesson for the day. Make no mistake, under the laid back demeanor of the Danvurian lies a complex human being that is yet to be fully understood or studied. Deciphering their vocabulary is the first step in understanding the life of the Danvurian!

Danvurisms: PSsssh, i'm ALL~tired! PsssH, i'm ALL~hungry! Psssh, i'm ALL~pissed!

It's a known fact that Danvurians love to get their point across by means of persuasive authority at an unnecessary volume . Even with everyday activities the Danvurian can always turn a simple day at the DMV into a full fledged adventure. If you happen to engage in casual conversation with a Danvurian make sure your experiences DO NOT overshadow their experiences. Whatever you have been through, could never come close to what the Danvurian has experienced. This is when the simple word "ALL" comes into play as part of the Danvurian vocabulary.

(All: b : having or seeming to have in conspicuous excess or prominence)
ALL is a very powerful word used by the Danvurian to create emphasis on the subject. To a Danvurian ALL in conjunction with an adjective, makes up an extensive list of compound words that only Danvurians can decipher. For instance if you are hungry you simply say: "I am hungry!" but a Danvurian will express themselves a little differently, for example: "I am ALLhungery!"
At this point you can't possibly be as hungry as the Danuvrian, by placing ALL in front, the Danvurian automatically has the upper hand and become a lot hungrier than you. A Danvurian isn't just tired, the Danvurian is "ALLtired!" We all want to drive our point across, but make no mistake, the Danvurian will always win in a battle of over-emphasis!

Danvurians love phở soup!

Phở, a Vietnamese dish that includes flat, rice noodles, beef broth, and is often served with basil, lime, bean sprouts and peppers. With French and Chinese influences, the word phở comes from the French feu (fire), the French method of adding charred onions to broth, which separates phở from other Asian noodle soups.

In the late 1970's, as Chicano Danvurians in the inner city, we grew up enjoying the Vietnamese culture. I remember going to my friends house to eat delicious Vietnamese cuisine prepared by his mother and sister. In return I would bring my friend over to my house for taco's de lengua and menudo. But nothing could prepare a Danvurian for the love of phở! As Danvurians grew into the pubescent stages, more and more phở restaurants popped up in the surrounding Denver areas. Eventually Danvurians were introduced to the phở soup in astounding numbers. Like menudo is to us Danvur Chicanos, phở is to the Vietnamese Americans. So now that Danvurians have exposed their pallets to foods other than tex-mex and burgers, phở has become a fan favorite in todays Danvur communities.

Danvur Werd of the day - Federal "FEDZ!"

If you live in Denver you are familiar with Federal Blvd (referred to as Feds by Danvurians), But simply living in Denver doesn't mean you know or can appreciate the main artery to Danvur that is Fedzz! Federal Blvd is not just a street, to Danvurians it's a way of life! If you grew up in Denver you have stories of Feds. Whether it's catching the RTD, walking countless miles because you have no money for the RTD, eating fine vietnamese cuisine, or taking your Blue card to the clinic to get tested, because you heard someone you slept with has a stanky-ol fungus (you know who you are). But none of these examples can compare to the power of cruisin' Fedz!

In order to acquire your true Danvur, ghetto-card you must at the very minimum complete 1 hour cruisin' time on the boulevard! This simply does not mean driving on the boulevard on any given day. You have to have more than one person in the vehicle, and it has to be during the weekend, preferably on a sunny, sunday afternoon. To achieve Platinum ghetto-status, cruisin' on Cinco De Mayo will definitely put you amongst the ghetto elite. Low profile loads, suped-up Hondas are a few examples of legitimate cruisin' vessels. But nowadays the Pièce de résistance is the crotch rocket, this motorcycle is distinguished by it's aerodynamic 'hunched-over' seating position and high power to weight ratio. Whatever your vehicle of choice is nothing can get the party started like cruisin' Fedz on a summer day. So find a baby sitter for the night. Put on your most revealing hot pants & baby tee, and guys, cock that ball cap and sport that bling, cuz we cruisin' Fedz baby!

Danvur Werd of the day - Breedough

Danvur werd of the day: breedough pronounced - \ˈbrēd-ō\

On the go and need to grab a quick bite? Are you hungry but haven't the time to sit and enjoy a meal? Burritos are quick and easy solution to your morning or afternoon hunger. Leave the Chipotle and Illegal Pete's burritos to the HiLoians, a true Danvurian prefers a "Breedough"! That's right "Breedough", not burrito is the choice for the Danvurian. A Breedough can be homemade by grandma or mom. A Breedough can be a burrito sold by a man/woman walking around construction sites and Bronco games. A Breedough can be a smothered or hand held from Chubby's.

The word Breedough is derived from the infamous Danvur accent. This accent is said to have started in southern Colorado and moved up through years of migrating to the big city. Like all Danvur Werds Breedough slides off the tongue with minimal effort. Danvur Werds are unacceptably informal words that fall under colloquialism, in other words home spun jargon. So next time your stomach is growling and you are headed to the bronco game, and hear "Breeedoughsss!" Turn around because that means a hearty Breedough has your name on it!

Green Chili and The Denver Broncos

The Broncos and green chili go together like peas and carrots, wise words spoken by the languid and sweet Forrest Gump character. For a Danvurian green chile and Broncomania are the pinnacle of happiness. This is especially true if the Broncos are on a big winning streak and roasted Hatch Green Chili is available for sale on all major street corners, the Danvurian thrives.

Denver, Colorado is known for being a great sports town. Danvurians are fanatics about their home town teams. For instance the Mile High city is home to Roctober and the infamous faux-hawk of the Denver Nuggets, Birdman. And if you find yourself driving through down town and have a few minutes to spare, drive up Market street to "Joe Sakic Way". That's right, Denver has been known for changing city street names in honor of home town sports figures. But there is no power greater than the love for Broncomania! You can score big points with a Danvurian by talking Broncos or simply by wearing some type of Bronco paraphernalia. But under no circumstances should you ever talk bad about the Broncos, especially if they are winning. It is acceptable ONLY for Danvurians to trash talk the Broncos because of the time invested as a Danvurian.

Green chili...Sheesh where should I start with this one?! Chili verde is a staple in the Danvurians diet. Whether it's at a restaurant, family functions, left overs or during Bronco sunday, the Danvurian becomes the greatest of food critics when it comes to green chili. As Danvurians, NO green chili is ever better than our grandmas green chili! Danvurians swear their grandmas make the absolute best green chile in Denver, and will go to lengths trying to prove the idea to you. This is where a Danvurian becomes a chili snob. I like tomatoes in my green chili, I hate tomatoes in my green chili, I like my chili to be green with very little flour in it, or green chili isn't suppose to be brown?! These are considered valid arguments to a Danvurian. One thing that is certain is green chile should ALWAYS contain pork! pork butt, pork shoulder, pork roast, mini pork ribblets are just a few examples of what type of meat that should go in the green chili.

So the next time you stop in Denver around fall/winter season, and you want to cement your legacy in the hearts of a Danvurian, greet them with a Bronco cheer and a pot of homemade green chili.

Danvur Werd of the day - Nedz

Pronunciation: \ˈnedz\

Example: "Dang fool were you with that fine'ol chic?! Nedz, I wish I was! huh!"

You have the right to say no. The word no is short, simple and to the point. Sometimes to us no is a hard word to say, for the simple fact that we often want to please others which prevents us from saying no.

For a Danvurian saying no is an easy and painless task. Danvurians have a unique way of communicating no to the people they care about and hold close. By replacing no with the Danvur word "Nedz" it gives the Danvurian the freedom to just blurt out a negative to a loved one and feel no guilt. Nedz is also a way for the Danvurian to show others how cool, calm and collect he/she really is in a pressured situation. Nedz is usually said in a layed back tone, and no matter how complicated or difficult the situation may be Nedz will almost always roll off the Danvurians tongue with style and grace.

Weekend trips to the Flea Market

A true Denverite knows the value of a trip to the Flea Market! Whether it's a new buck knife for Gramp's, making copies of keys for Dads shed (ched), or fruits and chile for Grandma-the Flea Market is a way for the whole family to come together and have fun on a summer weekend. Maybe your cousin Antonio (Ants) needs a new, over-sized Tupac T-shirt or a pirated copy of Fast and the Furious II, or Uncle Rudy needs some used power tools, and a set of home speakers made to look like boxed sub-woofers. Nothing brings a Danvur family together like imported knock off clothing and elote on a stick! So if the weather hits the 80's and the whole family is gathered at Grandma's house eating breakfast, you can be sure the Danvurian will take that long drive up north to hit up the Flea Market.

Danvur Werd of the day - Wayzout

wayzout or wiseout
(depends on what side of the tracks you hail from in Denver)

pronounciation: wāz-aut, wīz-aut

Example: "phew! damn bud your ass kicks! wayzout/wiseout bro!"

Have you every teased or played a practical joke on someone? I'm sure we are all guilty as charged, and have had to apologize for our actions. For years in Denver WAYZOUT has been a way to tell someone you're just kidding around with them. The phrase "Wayzout" has been the foundation to our home spun-jargon in the town of Denver, or like our fellow Danvurians would say; DANVUR BuuuD! I've talked with countless Danvurians about the origins of the word "Wayzout", and from my understanding the word "Wayzout" started sometime in the late 60's/early 70's. Just like the vast majority of Danvurians Wayzout was created somewhere in the valley's of southern Colorado and migrated up to Denver.

Here are a few examples of using Wayzout in casual "Danvur" conversation: For instance back in the late 80's a fellow classmate of mine had made a comment about a heavy set girl who wore a spandex outfit to school. He blurted: "Damn girl, those spandex make you look fat! HAAAhaa! Wayzout!" In shock the girl turned to him and shook her head with much Danvur attitude followed by the notorious deflation: "PSSSSSssssh". before she could take actions into her own hands the classmate followed up his insult with a double shot of WAYZOUT: "EEEE, Wayzout girl! your ass makes you look fat!" needless to say she still didn't take the joke very well and proceeded to hand over her earrings, Aqua Net, purse, vent brush and Mary Janes to her girlfriend who was standing next to her. The girl shouted "Fuuuuuhk that!" and charged the poor fool who every so confidently blurted out the insult. Believe me, you didn't want a Poofer chic pissed off at you. The name "Poofer Chic" is another phrase that is part of the Danvur jargon, I will save that one for a later post.

In recent years, Danvurians ranging from ages 25-50 have seen a huge decline in the using of the word "Wayzout". This decline has not stopped a vast majority of Danvurians growing up in the 80's from saying Wayzout in their conversations. Many of Danvurians make the Freudian slip and will say Wayzout instead of just kidding in the work place (You know us Danvurians, we just LOVE "keedin'" around with people.) If you work in a company with colleagues who live all over the U.S. you get some strange reactions to Wayzout. Try slipping in Wayzout instead of just kidding when your around the old water cooler, and watch the looks on their faces, priceless.

When a Danvurian travels outside of the Denver Metro area, Wayzout will have a tendency to slip out during conversation. The Danvurian is then stuck with the task of explaining the meaning of the word and where it came from. Back in the mid 90's I moved to Southern California. I had a wide range of friends: From Mexican Americans to Chicanos and Hippie Surfer types. One day I was hanging out with this group of straight up chola-chics. We hung out and drank beer in the hills of Mount San Jacinto. I recall telling them about life in Denver and how some things are similar. They told me they pictured Denver as straight up "country living" with buffalos roaming free?! I replied with "Yes.....Wayzout! No, we have city living and one of the best Arts complexes in the country?!" All 4 chicas looked at me and said "WhhhAT?!" to which I replied "Wayzout, don't you guys know what that means?" I was so comfortable in conversation that I just assumed they knew the word Wayzout, because they were Mexican American and reminded me of fellow Danvurians. When I explained the word they laughed and it caught on and they would say hey "Wayzout" everytime they saw me. I wasn't sure if they were laughing with me or at me. Us Danvurians get paranoid that way.

Wayzout is a way of life for the Danvurian, without it we will not have luscious words like: Neds, psych, Huh and many other words that make up Danvur jargon. To me, and I think I can speak for other Danvurians, Wayzout is the one word we as Danvurians can all identify with.

Danvur Werd of the day - Fatoljay

Fatoljay
pronounciation: \'fat-ōl-jā\
example:
"damn, he rolled a fatoljay!"

Every now and again, growing up in Denver someone would show up to school with a joint. This person was usually the "cool" kid (or in Danvur terms, wicked'ol-badass!) who didn't take shit from anyone, including the teachers and principal. This kid would gather up his little cronies, ditch class, walk to an alley way or behind a store and light up a FATOLJAY! Passing this lavishly wrapped canibus cigarette, and making certain he does not interrupt rotation-the leader would pride himself on the plumpness of his joint. "Damn, looky how sick I rolled this shit buuuud!" To which one of his cronies would reply in delight, "yeah, you really rolled a FATOLJAY bud...ere!" because of the smoke he was holding in the "H" in "here" is nonexistent.