The Danvur Daylee - Danvur native sues Twitter for stealing name Idea!

DENVER, CO--visibly upset, agitated and "ALL-pissed," 29 year old Bernard Villalpando reportedly is trying to sue the social networking and microblogging king, twitter. Villalpando accuses the media giant for blatantly stealing the name "Twitter" from him back in 2006 as Villalpando was posting in an online forum. "CanEven believe they copied my idea! Twitter is goin' down! THAT'S WHAT'S UP!" says an angry Villalpando. Back in late 2006, Villalpando was chatting online at the local Denver Public Library and responded to a chat from a user going by the name of; jjdorsey00. "I was late and postoo meet my probation officer. i started to book from the liberry and i sawl his post." The post in question was from jjdorsey00 and addressed to Villalpando. The post read: "Happy Friday BVillapando69! hope u r as excited as I am 4 the wknd!" to which Villalpando responded: "Oh yes bud, don't get ALL-twittered!" "My Client's intellectual property was violated and we will not hesitate to prosecute to the fullest!" says Villalpando's attorney, Jerry Padilla.

"TSSS, I CALL QUITS!"

As Neil Sedaka put it so frankly, breaking up is hard to do!
If you want to see the true colors of a Danvurian or be witness to someone in their natural environment, try being present when a Danvur high school couple 'calls quits!'!

Nothing can make a Danvurian happier than being in the middle of drama. Whether it's callin' quits, drunken fights at family functions, facebook or just a happy hour at the bar turned slug fest, Danvurians 'love them some drama!'. There is, however, a catch. A Danvurian will never truely admit to the fact they love to surround themselves in relationship or any other type of drama. Instead the Danvurian will go to lengths convincing you that they 'can't stand all this drama!’ I know you're thinking; boy, he sure loves the word 'drama'. The truth is this word has become a huge part of the Danvurians vocabulary in recent years. But let's focus on 'callin' quits' and save the word 'drama' for a completely different post.

Callin' quits is the equivalent to the royal family of whales filing for a divorce (on a smaller scale of course). Callin' quits also sends out a message that two of the most popular peeps in school are now available and on the market. Once this infamous couple calls quits, the rumor cogwheels start to turn and pave the way for overreacting, dramatic people to show themselves. Girls get hurt, boys get jealous, girls get jealous, boys get into a fight, girls get into 'nasty' cat fights and the casual observer becomes a spectator. We now have a full blown soap opera served Danvur style!

I will now act out a fictional Danvur couple callin' quits:

Ants (Anthony): 'Tssss, I think awe-men-uh call quits!'
Manny: 'UH-UH?!?!'
Ants:’ yay-vinz, I just don't wanna be with her any mores!'
Manny: 'Tsssssssss...'

(Once this conversations ends, Manny will start tellin' his buddies and then they’ll tell their buddies, and so on, and so on, and so on...)

Bern: 'So I hear you wanna call quits??!!'
Ants: 'PHssss, OH-YES, who said that?!'
Bern: 'Antoinette told me! Tssss, she said that, Maria said that, Lena said that, Luis said that Manny told Marko and he told his cousin, who happens to be my cousin Efrin!'
Ants: 'OH YESS, their ALL liars' and jellous (jealous)!'
Bern: 'So you don't wanna call quits?!'
Ants: 'NEDZ!'
Bern: 'OOoo, that Antoinette, awe-men-uh beat her ass!'

And so the drama begins...

The Evolution of the Danvurian Male 1990's - 2000's

Chonch or Choncho

It is a known fact Danvurians love to create their own language. In past posts we've learned a lot about the Danvurians life style and mannerisms. But the queen Marry of all things Danvur is the ability to create their own lingo.

In the mid to late 80's the word "Chonch" hit the Danvur scene like wild fire. Like crack hitting Danvur in the mid 90's - Chonch was a hot commodity. In Danvur little is known about the true meaning of the word "Chonch". To Danvurians, Chonch has a variety of meanings. In the era of Oak Tree and Dwayne Wayne flip-up glasses, Danvurians utilized Chonch in many ways; slammin' you in public (another word for being cowardly), an alternate name for a male or female's genital area, and a derogatory word for intercourse. Danvurians used every opportunity to belt out the six letter noun (sometimes used as a verb for the advanced Danvurian) whenever they were in company of friends or other fellow Danvurians.

Here are some great examples of the word "Chonch":

"Psssh, damn bud! Why do you have to be such a Chonch!"

(grabbing his crotch) "Hey! lick my chonch!"

In some cases the Danvurian would add an "o" to the end of the word "Chonch".
Example; "UH, what up Choncho?!"

Today the word Chonch is rarely, if ever used by Danvurians. Like naming your daughter beverly, Chonch is seldomly used in a public forum. Most of the Danvurians who abused the word have grown up and become parents, some even grandparents. Flashing back to when a chic's hair was higher in front (not in the back using a "Bump It") and a fool sported a vent brush in his back pocket, Chonch was the mother of all derogatory words used by the Danvurian. Like the old sayin'; "Hey, don't be a Chonch and bring the word "Chonch" back to Danvur.

Old Skool Danvur: The Force that was Aqua Net!

I can remember back in the days of LA Babyface and pastel colored IOU sweaters, the one necessity every Danvurian 'chica' had to have was an eco-sized can of Aqua Net. For today's Danvurian youth the whole retro Amy Winehouse 'bouffant' is the style. In Danvur, this was not the case back in the late 80's. Though the appeal for hi-hair was the same, it was approached differently.

Today the hair is styled for the back of the head. all the height of the hair resides in the back of the head, it's kind of a vintage approach. Back in the Aqua Net days the 'front' of the hair had to be high. Danvurian girls would grow out their bangs, use the curling iron to curl the tips as high as they would go, then apply a couple of coats of Aqua-Net for reinforcement. One by one the Danvurian girl would curl each individual strand of hair and spray it until all bangs in front stood high and glorious. Then after this meticulous hair job, the girl would then spray the entire head for extra hold. I think on average the "Poofer-Chic" went through a can of Aqua Net a day. But with all this attention to the bangs and front of the head, the Danvurian girl of the 80's would neglect the back, thus giving her a bad case of "bed head".

The poofer-chic took pride in her hair, she was like Samson; her strength was in her hair. But when living in Denver, the elements and high altitude can be too much, causing the Poofer-Chics hair to go flat. Flat hair days would render the poofer-chic powerless and embarrassed. Flat days usually happened one of two ways: 1.) They ran out of Aqua Net 2.) waiting for the bus in the rain or snow. For some of the more driven poofer-chics, running out of Aqua Net wasn't enough to stop them from creating their infamous bouffant. Since the Danvurian chic was so passionate about her mane, she became quite the MacGyver and would create a spray out of sugar and water. Sugar-water was the back up to the can of Aqua Net. many girls preferred the sugar-water method over the Aqua Net because it held up better in the elements, creating an indestructible wall of hair.

Well the days of poofer-chics are behind us now, and with a new crop of emo/chola chics emerging from the streets of Danvur the passion for "high hairdos" still lives. But make no mistake these chicas will take you out if you mess with their locks!

Menudo recipes passed down

Anyone who's been to a Mexican restaurant is familiar with menudo. Menudo is a traditional mexican soup made with tripe, chile and hominy.
However the relationship between this infamous bowl of cow reticulum (the second chamber of the cows stomach) and the Danvurian is a sacred tradition.

From previous posts, the one thing we've learned about Danvurians is their love for food. To the Danvurian, a bowl of menudo is not just a bowl of soup, it's tradition! Danvurians pride themselves on tradition, particularly family recipes. Menudo recipes are most certainly the holy grail of all Danvurian family recipes. Some Danvurians are so obsessed with their family menudo recipe, they go to lengths trying to best others in the family. For instance cousins have been known to go to blows over who makes the best menudo from grandmas passed down recipe.

When it gets to be too laborious for the Danvurian elder (usually grandma) to cook for her entire family, she will begin to reveal her recipes to the family. Thus it begins, the passing of the proverbial torch onto the younger generation. On average, the grandmother of a Danvurian family is known to mother up to 8 children (this does not include the numerous grand kids and great grand kids she mothers and raises as her own.). It's nice to see grandma hang up the apron, after decades of cooking for a huge Danvurian family, who eats for recreation. If it were up to the Danvurian family, the grandma would cook until she is unable to get around the kitchen on her own. I don't know what it is about Danvurains when they see their grandma working her little butt off in the kitchen? I think because the elder coddles her children to a point where the Danvurian can't even warm their own tort on the placa. But to grandma it's ok, she'll do ANYTHING to make her hitos/hitas happy.

Deflate Before Speaking!

Danvurians have a rare way of communicating with their peers. Through this blog we have explored the various sounds and words the Danvurian creates as a part of their communication skills. However, one of the most important sounds a Danvurian uses in everyday speech is created by a string of consonants that contain no vowels. Tsss, Phsss, Psssss, Chhh are syllable-less sounds and have to be the single most important utterances created by the Danvurian.

Before the Danvurian can actually articulate a sentence, this form of Onomatopoeia is used as an opening to the Danvurians long drawn out opinion. Don't be mistaken, each grouping of words have their own purpose and are used to express the Danvurian's feelings. I call this form of speech "Deflating". The various or typical sounds that make-up Deflating are as follows: Tssss, Psssh, Pssss, Chhh, and finally Phsss. The Danvurian uses these sounds selectively, and to reflect their current state of mind.

Here are some prime examples of Deflating:

PSSH
You: "Hey, that Bronco game was horrible. I can't believe our offense sometimes."

Danvurian: "PSSSSH! I KNOW BUUD! THAT SHIT WAS ALL-WEAK! PSSSH, DAMN IT!"
*( Notice: the Danvurians selection of the Deflating sound "Pssh". The use of "Psssh" usually indicates the Danvurian to be upset or frustrated.)

TSSS
You: "Wow, did you see the body on that chic?!"

Danvurian: "TSSSSS, HELL YEAH! SHE'S ALL-FINE! AWE-MEN-UH (I am going to) PULL HER DIGITS BUUD!"
*( Notice: the use of "Tsss" usually indicates agreement.)

CHHH
You: "You know, that guy is really polite and honest."

Danvurian: "CHHH, OH YES! HE'S JUST PUTTING UP A FRONT BRO! HE'S ALL-SHADEY!"
*( Notice: the use of "Chhh" usually indicates envy or jealousy)

PHSS
You: "Hey uncle check out the new rims on my ride!"

Danvurian: "PHSSSSSSSS!"
*( Notice: the use of "Phsss" is complex. In this example the Danvurian uses "Phsss" as a way of showing happiness for his nephew. In this situation, the Danvurian could have very well been proud of his nephew but "Phss" also comes in handy when the Danvurian is not paying attention. For instance, if the uncle was busy doing something when his nephew approached him, by using "Psss" the uncle can still convey his excitement to his nephew without having to really know what's going on. )

"Phss" can also be used as a sound for landing a fast blow to the face during a round of slap boxing. Slap boxing is a universal activity used by the Danvurian to show dominance. Slap boxing is usually only reserved for aggresive male Danvurians.

Example:

Danvurian: "Ha, jab: Phss...phss...phss! Ooo got you fool! Uh-oh, combo: Phss-phss-phss-phss!

You: "Ok, ok! enough!"

Danvurian: "Tssss, it's what I thought!"

EEEE
The use of "Eeeeee" is a different expression and is usually reserved for Danvurian women. Middle aged, Danvurian women make up the vast majority of Danvurians who use the sound "Eeeee" before articulating a complete sentence. Notice "Eee" is a form of Onomatopoeia but contains the "E" vowel sound. Again "Eeee" has many different interpretations and can be used to express surprise, disgust and excitement. Here are some examples of "Eee".

You: "Hey grandma, did you see how rude that guy was?!"

Grams: "Eeee, I know hito. the nerve of him huh!"

You: "Hey Grandma, I just got my full-ride scholarship to any school of my choice!"

Grams: "Eeeeeeeee! that's great hito! I am so proud of you!"
*(Notice: When genuinely excited, the female Danvurian tends to stretch the "Eee" sound out a bit.)

If you ever find yourself talking with a Danvurian, and want to know their current emotional state, start by deciphering their Deflating consonants before you choose to retort. You must recognize the various sounds of Deflating to deliver the appropriate response. Remember choosing the wrong words can get you in trouble, maybe even a trip to the ER.