the new Danvur Facebook App

here's a new app for facebook! it allows danvur people to "check-in" to their favorite places!

The Danvur Daylee - Denver Woman Takes Credit for Restaurant Bought Tamales

THORNTON, CO--The moment she walked into her family's annual Christmas gathering, Law office receptionist Irma Hernandez took credit for making tamales she had bought from a local restaurant.

"She walked in tellin' everyone that she made them tamales?! PSSh, I knew she didn't make them and I was trying to tell my auntie Rose that Irma's lying her ass off!" said a disgusted Alyssa Garcia, Irma's second cousin, adding, "Ugh, she always tries to brag about shit that isn't even true, she's got me ALL pissed!" Alyssa walks away to collect herself and turns to her aunt Rose for comfort, "Aye yi yi, I told my hita not to worry about it and that god will punish Irma for lying about her tamales! my god doesn't like liars!" Aunt Rose told Danvur Daylee in response to Alyssa's tirade. According to Rose, Irma and Alyssa have always been in competition with each other. "Alyssa's just a sad individual who blames everyone but herself for her problems." says a jovial Irma. "F*** that bitch, she acts like her shit doesn't stink!" a visibily upset Alyssa told the Danvur Daylee.

The night started off on the wrong foot with the trivial bickering and auntie Rose getting in the middle of it all. The men of the house however were very happy, "Eee, my hita, Irma makes the best tamles! mmm, mm!" said a jolly uncle Phil as he took another bite into his savory red chile tamale Irma had served him, adding, "Boy, hita you got the magic touch! Alyssa should take lessons! mmm!" Alyssa became livid when she heard her nino Phil express his love for Irma's stored bought tamales."I stayed up all night trying to make masa like my gram'aw (grandma) taught me and this bitch comes in acting like she made her own tamales!" said a frustrated Alysa, adding, "I should just go over to my nino Phil and tell him Irma's a lying bitch cause that's what's UP!"Seeing that Alyssa is visibly upset, auntie Rose comforts Alyssa, "Aye, no, no hita just let it go, sabes que that's just the way Irma is!" explained aunt Rose. "Eh, my wife is just as bad, always getting involved in other peoples business!" said Juan, Roses husband, noting that he constantly has to remind his wife Rose to keep out of family drama. "If you ask me, Rosie just fuels the fire, ya know!" said Juan as he took a bite of his tamale.

Content with the rave reviews she got for her tamales, Irma walks over to the potluck table to check on the food. Irma notices that aunt Anna is serving up the plates of food. "aren't you gonna make you a plate hita?" said Anna, to which Irma replied, "yeah, in a minute auntie. TSS, looks like my tamales are a hit huh auntie? mine are almost gone and Alyssa's still has like three dozen left? oh well guess she'll have a lot of leftovers." said Irma. "Eee, you're too much girl." said aunt Anna, adding, "oh-yeah how did you make your masa hita? Do you use chicken stalk or lard?" caught off guard Irma replies "Eh, I used chicken stalk like gram'aw use to..."Irma replied sheepishly. "chicken que?! your grandma used lard baby." said Anna. "oh yeah, I used lard." said Irma.

The Danvur Daylee - Distraught Raider Fan Found nude and shaken up near a Denny's Dumpster

DENVER, CO--At approximately 5:15 AM, Denver Police discovered a nude man wondering around the dumpster in a Denny's parking lot located at 1600 block of Nw Federal Blvd. "We received a frantic 911 call at 4:58 AM from a Denny's employee who described a naked distraught male, in his late to early 30's, sitting by the dumpster, in a fetal position." said Denver Police officer Mahoney. Officer Mahoney was the first responding officer to the scene and he was quite taken back by what he saw. "The guy was mumbling about wanting his mom and a blanket because he was cold." said Mahoney, adding "As I approached the distraught male, I noticed what appeared to be orange spray paint covering his lower extremities. The victim also had an orange parking cone protruding out of his posterior."

Danvur Daylee interviewed the 911 caller, Joey De La Cruze. "Tsss, it was crazy-crazy! I went outside to take out the trash and I saw this foo...i mean guy was hiding behind the dumpster. he looked all-scared & stuff. So I asked him what the F#%%& he was doing in the parking lot all-naked, with a parking cone in his ass...oops my bad can we say that!? Pshh, I couldn't even understand him because he was crying! I was like--stop crying like a baby foo!" The distraught man was given a blanket and taken to a near by hospital to check for any further injuries. "A fellow officer and myself made several attempts at getting some information as to what happened to the male victim in question. The only coherent response we got from him was...This is Bronco Country and I want to go home!" said officer Mahoney.

If anyone has any information leading to the apprehension of the suspects responsible for this crime, don't call, don't write because you will be next!

The Danvur Daylee - Danvur native sues Twitter for stealing name Idea!

DENVER, CO--visibly upset, agitated and "ALL-pissed," 29 year old Bernard Villalpando reportedly is trying to sue the social networking and microblogging king, twitter. Villalpando accuses the media giant for blatantly stealing the name "Twitter" from him back in 2006 as Villalpando was posting in an online forum. "CanEven believe they copied my idea! Twitter is goin' down! THAT'S WHAT'S UP!" says an angry Villalpando. Back in late 2006, Villalpando was chatting online at the local Denver Public Library and responded to a chat from a user going by the name of; jjdorsey00. "I was late and postoo meet my probation officer. i started to book from the liberry and i sawl his post." The post in question was from jjdorsey00 and addressed to Villalpando. The post read: "Happy Friday BVillapando69! hope u r as excited as I am 4 the wknd!" to which Villalpando responded: "Oh yes bud, don't get ALL-twittered!" "My Client's intellectual property was violated and we will not hesitate to prosecute to the fullest!" says Villalpando's attorney, Jerry Padilla.

Broncos loss causes Monday hangover for the Danvurian

The Broncos, Denver hero's with the power to alter the Danvurians day for better or for worse. Between the months of September and January the Broncos are the puppet masters and the Danvurians are the marionettes. Whether the Danvurians Monday is happy and full of promise or crappy like the morning after a night of booze drinking and cocaine, all depends on the outcome of the Bronco game the day before.

In this four month period of Broncomania, Friday is the most promising day of all. Danvurians are on top of the world, strolling into the office Friday morning, clad in their favorite Bronco attire: some sporting their #30 Terrell Davis Jersey, the old school fans with an Orange Crush, Randy Gradishar throw-back, and let us not forget the lovely blue haired receptionist with the dangling bronco helmet earrings. All is great in Bronco land on Friday, not even the office's token Raider fan, who goes out of his way to rank on the Broncos can burst the Danvurians bubble on this crisp Autumn morning. With the Bronco jersey working like a kevlar vest, the Danvurian feels they can take on the work day and anything else coming their way Friday. And when the work day is over it's off to happy hour for a little pre-game celebration. The Danvurian is such the loyal fan, their celebration spans a whole three days in anticipation of Bronco Sunday. But all of this cheer and blissful celebration can come to a screeching halt when the Broncos lose.

It's not whether the Broncos win or lose, it's how they lose that gives the avid Broncos fan an ulcer. For years the Broncos have a way of making stupid mistakes in games. This is a proven fact and any true Bronco fan can vouch for me. Yes, there has been times when the Broncos lose and the Danvurian is still happy because their team put up a valiant effort. But most of the time the Broncos have their fans scratching their heads post game, trying to figure out how a team can screw up in such donkey (a nickname created by Bronco haters) fashion. For years the Broncos have been the proverbial welcome mat to opposing team records. Shit, a running backs shoes have made it to Canton because the Broncos allowed most yards rushed in a game, by a single player! Don't get me started on the plethora of record breaking plays against Denver in Super Bowl appearances because we would be here all night.

In the late 1990's, the Danvurians were finally vindicated when Elway and the boys won back-to-back Super Bowls. Bronco fans were dancing in the streets and crying tears of joy because they're beloved Bronco's finally got the respect they felt were cheated out of all these years. Elway was held to Deity status and praised by all Danvurians as the most beloved player in Bronco history. To this day Elway shares the spotlight with fellow patron saint of Danvur, Carlos Santana. When Elway finally retired on top, and the Broncos had two Super Bowl trophies under their belt, Danvurians believed the worst was behind them and their beloved Broncos would no longer be the NFL's laughing stock.

With a new Coaching staff, Quarterback and players, the Broncos are still the Rodney Dangerfields of the NFL, they just get "No Respect". Through all this turmoil the Danvurian still stands by their team like a nice obedient Stepford Wife. Danvurians need the Broncos, for crying out-loud when the sun sets, and the sky turns a brilliant shade of orange, the Danvurians swear it's because god loves the Broncos. With that kind of unconditional love, Danvurians are the best fans a team can have.